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  • Writer's pictureInfinite Mindfulness

Are we Reacting or Responding?

One second has the power to change heaven to hell, it also has the power to change hell to heaven.


"It is not external events themselves that cause us distress, but the way in which we think about them, our interpretation of their significance. It is our attitudes and reactions that give us trouble. We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them."

- Epictetus


Reacting and responding may sound very similar, but there is a subtle difference between the two, and that subtle difference creates a world of change, the question is, are we willing to step into that change. Let us see, from my understanding, what the difference is between reacting and responding to other people and circumstances are not to our liking.

Reacting - A reaction is an subconscious reaction, it is instinctual. It is more like auto pilot and there is not much thought that is put into it, if any at all. When we react, we don’t think about the implications of what we do or say, we just act on the impulse we are feeling at that time. This can obviously lead to other issues and disagreements which can cause harm on us physically or mentally.

Responding - A response is more thoughtful, it is done with conscious effort and takes situational awareness. When we respond, we first think about the possible outcomes before saying or acting. We consider what is best for ourselves and others before we do anything. This is a good way to stop any sort of conflict or anything that can cause physical or mental harm. The key here is to stay calm, before we react, have a small pause and think whether or not this is a good idea for us and others.


When we fly in auto-pilot throughout the day, we let our egos run the show, at least for me anyway. Regret usually stems from our auto-pilot, or at least I hope it does, as regret means that we know we shouldn't have done something. As we continue to live on, society has slowly become more and more unethical, whether we like it or not, we are surrounded by it. Whether we are aware of it or not, it does have an effect on us and what is ingrained in us and our minds, and what becomes our habits (unconsciously). If we don't hold our values close to us, we will become easily swayed by what goes on externally and we will react to it instead of respond. We will react with what society has slowly ingrained into us instead of responding with our true selves. If we pay more attention to our reactions when things don't go our way, we will realise that a reaction is usually driven by our ego to protect our pride. It is an instinctual reaction to protect ourselves and our image. We think about ourselves first instead of trying to understand the other side of the story. When we build up this wall of protecting our ego and pride, we are unable to let the truth enter. All we see, is what we want to see to justify our reaction.

Responding only takes a quick pause, to stop our reaction and think before we speak or act. That one second is all it takes to stop and hold back our reaction and create something more meaningful for others and ourselves, and yet it is a lifelong battle.


Responding takes effort, time and courage. It takes a lot of strength to hold back our initial impulse, especially if we are dealing with someone else's reaction. But it is this strength, courage and patience that is going to elevate us. There will never to internal elevation without strength, courage and patience with ourselves. It is said that half the work is done once we start, so if we start to actively pay more attention to how we deal with people and situations, half the work is done. Starting is the hardest part, the most uncomfortable part as we are stepping away from something we've known for so long. Although we might know that our reactions are wrong, we still continually regret our reactions day after day because we are used to reacting, we are comfortable with it. Whereas responding is like a curveball we didn't see coming. It is going to take that strength, courage and patience if we want to catch that curveball coming at us. Deep down we know that we have to catch it, but it's different from what we are used to catching, and it is uncomfortable. But we must know that no growth came from comfort. I encourage all of us, myself included, to be strong, courageous and patient with ourselves on this journey from reaction and to response.


The question of 'are we reacting or responding?' should be a question we ask ourselves on a daily basis. The awareness we have when it comes to if we are reacting or responding should occur in every encounter we have. This regular self-reflection is what is going to help us change, it should not only be asked during profound experiences that will stay with us forever. It is the minor details, the small daily exchanges that matter to us the most. If we are unable to focus on the small details, it will be very difficult to change the big picture. Anything large, profound and of significance needs a starting point, from that starting point comes the journey or process of renewal or creation. Let the starting point be the decision and understanding that we need to change, that we create what surrounds us. From there, let the small daily encounters and exchanges be the process or journey of renewal and creation, renewal and creation of a new way of living and thinking.

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