True human connection starts from vulnerability.
I would just like to first say that vulnerability isn't meant to be shown to everyone. It is not something that everyone will willingly accept from you. It is not something you can show up and show to anyone, as not everyone is willing to hear your deepest secrets, experiences and stories. I'm sure we've all experienced someone we don't know well 'over share' with us and we are taken aback.
When we choose to be vulnerable, it needs to be with the right people, people that we trust, that we know can bear the load of our story. People that we know will be there, present, with us no matter how the story goes. Those are the people that we can be truly vulnerable with and connect with, and sometimes, that can be the hardest thing. No matter how small or large your circle is, there is nothing more gratifying and fulfilling then pure and genuine human connection. It really is quality over quantity when we talk about pure and genuine human connections, and they only come about when vulnerability is present. Easier said than done, for me at least.
Why is vulnerability so hard? I seem to ask myself this question over and over again. Personally, I can't answer that question for myself, not yet anyways. The journey of self-discovery is long and painful and I am yet to courageously lay it all on the table. Everytime progress seems to be made, withdrawal seems to follow. This is because we are not accustomed to the discomfort that comes with growth, so we take that step forward to only feel like stopping or returning. The very fact that we take the first step shows the courage is within. We often know what we need to work on, but putting the work into action is completely different. There is a huge space that lies between knowing and doing, and in that space we fill find all our fears, insecurities and anxieties. To go from 'knowing how' to truly 'being able to' means to conquer those fears, insecurities and anxieties or at least being able to face them. How sweet that feeling would be. But again, easier said than done.
There has always been a misconception that vulnerability is weakness. We are afraid to let other people see our raw and authentic self. We are afraid to be seen as 'not good enough', being a mess, not having ourselves under control, when in all honesty, no one has it all under control. But isn't that part of the excitement and freedom of life, to keep possibilities and doors open in hopes that we can find something that is truly fulfilling. Have we ever thought that the need for us to have everything under control limits our ability to explore and open our minds and hearts to a different path, a different way or a different perspective. The culture of 'never enough' being instilled in us by our environment and technology is what is causing us to slowly lack to true human connection we all seek deep down, even if we don't know it or accept it yet.
The instant gratification we get from our advanced society is causing us to lack the skills of meaningful conversations. We lack the skills to be seen, be heard and be vulnerable, even to the ones that are closest to us. We are so used to getting anything we want, whenever we want it. Our society has become much more automated, and so have we. We have gotten used to hiding behind a screen and social media, that we don't know how to face people in reality, similar to what I'm doing right now if I'm going to be honest. We have learned to rely on things like social media instead of turning to people in times of need. With everything turning towards convenience and instant gratification, we have now become accustomed to it. But there are some things that will never be instant, such as true fulfillment and human relationships. They take work, time and effort from all parties involved and they ultimately take vulnerability.
To cover up this pain of being open and heard, we cover up everything, and we pull a mask of perfectionism over us to make it look like we have it all under control. When I hear this, it becomes very clear to me that I own that mask too. As we already know, the only person that would hurt is ourselves.
I'm not one who knows a lot about vulnerability and applying it into daily life. But I definitely know what vulnerability isn't, as I myself along with many others, have lived it. And through knowing what it isn't and seeing what it is in others, I can safely say that vulnerability is having the courage to be authentic, and that comes by being self-compassionate and being able to free yourself from comparing to others. To be authentic, we need to value ourselves and understand where we stand. We need to understand our shortcomings and our struggles and accept that we have them instead of trying to cover them up. In order to do that, we need to be compassionate towards ourselves, we need to give ourselves a chance to grow. We also need to let go of comparing ourselves to others, as no two people were brought up in the exact same environment, dealing with the same struggles, hurt by the same people and felt the same emotions. Everyone has a different story that has made them who they are today, instead of comparing ourselves to their story, we should try to understand our own.
Authenticity is a daily choice and a daily practice. It is a practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we actually are. It is having the courage to accept ourselves as imperfect, to have boundaries for ourselves to allow ourselves to be vulnerable towards those who can handle our struggles, to those that we trust. Having compassion to others and ourselves comes from knowing that we all come from strength and struggle. Authenticity is knowing that we don't have it all under control, and that is okay because we are trying. It is about being mindful of ourselves and our emotions, to truly feel our emotions but not to identify ourselves with it. Authenticity is truly a process of knowing and accepting ourselves. Once we are able to do so, we can truly be empathetic to others and vice versa. We can understand others as we know we have been through the same circumstances as they have. Other will be willing to show vulnerability to you knowing that you have suffered the same struggle. It is a two way street and it always will be, there is no connection if there is nothing to connect to. Being vulnerable allows others to feel safe and trusted to that they can do the same to you. That is when the spark of pure and genuine connection is lit alight.
I hope that we can all one day go back to our roots, to go back to what we truly value in our lives, pure and genuine human connection. I hope we all have the courage to take the step into vulnerability, to be open and heard by those who truly want to be there for us and connect with us. The beauty of connection and the fruition of affinity can only be truly seen and felt through being vulnerable. I hope that we may one day truly accept that we are still progressing, that we don't have it under control. I hope we are able to let others know if we are afraid, scared or insecure, for everyone of us has also felt those emotions before. And ultimately, I hope that we are able to build stronger and more meaningful relationships in the future. May we all value vulnerability in ourselves as much as we value it in others.